Emily Teterud – Marketing Coordinator
Recently, I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a blog about singlehood. Part of me wanted to write a comical article, with rants about guys that need to quit being sissies and ask girls out. Another part of me wanted to write a spiritually-infused piece—maybe addressing our least favorite verses married people quote to us about how it’s better to be single, according to Paul. The truth is, it can be hard to have an honest conversation about singlehood without coming across as cynical, desperate, or whiney.
I’m not claiming to know how every single person feels. We’re all different, so you may or may not relate. That’s ok!
We’re gonna skip the positive aspects of singlehood, because let’s be real—single people are well versed in the cliché verses and catch phrases. If I hear one more person say, “When you stop looking, God will bring someone,” I might go crazy. Enjoy my sarcasm and attempts at humor. It’s ok to acknowledge the negative feelings. We’re not going to stay there, but let’s be honest about how we feel at times:
Being single STINKS. No seriously, here’s an acronym:
There’s something about the desire for a companion that makes a life of singlehood seem a little depressing at times. It’s like you’re looking around and seeing people pairing up like Noah’s ark, and you’re afraid you might miss the boat!
Time seems to be anything but on your side:
People try to console me by saying I’m young. Yeah…so are my other happily married friends with kids. Yes, I still have plenty of time, and I would never want to rush anything, but let’s be honest—sometimes you know you are ready for a relationship, and it just seems like it will never happen.
Am I too weird? Too fat? Too annoying? Too intimidating? Too quiet? Too loud? The list goes on and on, and can haunt you. Suddenly you twist any quality about yourself until it becomes something negative that you think may be turning people away! But throughout it all, the unknown is so maddening!
Navigating a balance of contentment:
It’s difficult to remain content. I have prayed for it so many times. It’s hard to turn that heartfelt desire off, isn’t it? And the tricky part is, it’s not a bad desire! So, finding that balance of living life to the fullest in your season of singleness while maintaining a healthy desire for relationship can be challenging to say the least.
Knowing you would rock at being a girlfriend/spouse/mom:
Ugh, what a hopeless feeling to have a desire for marriage and raising a family, but living a life of 25 plus years and…nothing. No prospects. No one “pursuing you.” It’s discouraging to be in the mid-twenties age bracket and have essentially no dating history. Side note…I’ve never understood when people say things like, “I think I’m going to start dating.” Or, “I’m not dating right now.” Like…what? Is there somewhere I can declare I would like to date? Is this a choice I’m missing out on and there’s some switch turned off that says I’m not dating right now? That’s a mystery for another time…
Seeing couples take each other for granted:
I love to learn from and observe other couples. But there are times when I see someone treating his or her significant other poorly and I think, “Oh man. Please, for the sake of us singles that already feel like the good ones are all taken, treat each other well. Don’t waste a great opportunity at relationship. You don’t know how good you have it!” (The grass is always greener on the other side, right? I feel like married couples feel the same way toward the single life…which oddly supports this point I’m making.)
Ok, deep breath! It’s good to acknowledge how we may be feeling. But, I do believe it’s destructive to sit in the “STINKS” categories above for too long. Even more important, I believe it distracts us from using our gifts to do what God has created us to do. I bet Satan loves when we’re in that place—consumed by the disappointment in our relationship status so we are not focusing on the ministry God has prepared for us, regardless of our marital status.
The bottom line—am I ever going to get married and raise a family? I don’t know! *gulp* It’s not a guarantee. I do believe God cares about the desires of my heart and will use a willing and obedient heart for furthering His Kingdom whether it’s married or not.
If you’re single, listen up. I am saying this as a fellow single, so hopefully you’ll hear my heart behind it. You can live a full and vibrant life of ministry, even if it doesn’t include marriage. I have come to the conclusion that I can still love Jesus and serve Him if I’m not married. The more I ask God to keep that my focus, the easier it is to remain in a place of healthy contentment.
So let’s get to work!