Karl Ingraham – Mesa Worship Leader
There’s this “older” gentlemen sitting right next to me at Starbucks. Right now as I’m writing. He’s reading a book, but he wants to talk. I know it. Inside I want to talk to him but on the outside I’m making sure that we don’t speak. Welcome to the world of an introvert. Welcome to my world.
My wife talks to anyone, anywhere, while I standby and remain silent. She’s fearless, or maybe she’s just normal. I’m not normal. I hate it. My heart screams as loud as it can, “stop being a coward and say hello”. My body freezes. Second guesses.
Last week Craig Gross joined us for a talk he called Jesus Loves You. Guys like this inspire me to change. Fearless guys who love God and take chances. If you were there you will surely remember the story of Marie, so I won’t retell it. As I sat there I remembered my Marie. Yes, that’s right, not a wheelchair bound lady in Fullerton, CA, but an avid gardener in Mesa right at the entrance of my neighborhood. Everyday she would hear me coming, turn, smile and wave until I was all the way down the street. You think I’m making this up. Here are lyrics written 6 years ago.
Lady down the street. Turn your head wave and greet us. As we pass by today. Has anybody ever kissed you? Or told you how much we miss you? When you’re not there to say. What did you say? Don’t speak to me that way. Don’t hold your hands to pray. Unless you mean it. Don’t use another voice. Don’t leave me any choice. But to believe it must be true. The world’s a better place with you.
My heart was filled with joy by that lady and in 2 years I took every smile, kept it for myself and never stopped once to even ask her name. This song is a tragic reminder of my social fears.
Here’s my point. Jesus loves you. I know it, because I know he loves me. The power of testimony. But does everyone else know it. I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure they don’t. I’m not just a bad neighbor I’m a bad “neighbor”. Jesus asked who’s your neighbor? Answer, the one who did something for the person right there in front of you.
I’m still at Starbucks. The older gentlemen sitting next to me is telling the computer programmer sitting next to both of us all about his life and all about Jesus. He just sat back smiled and said “God is good”. Now he’s gone and I’m still here. Something’s gotta change.
Thanks for this insight into your heart, Karl. When you’re on that stage, we would never guess one-on-one is hard for you. You minister to each of us deeply and I’ve always felt completely welcome to talk to you.
I’m one of those people waving at the introvert down the street every day who can hardly say, “Hi”. I didn’t understand. Now I know that it’s okay to just keep smiling, waving and being his neighbor. Just maybe, I am letting him know he is loved too.
Yeah, I have no fear on stage, but its not a one-on-one like you said. I’m gonna keep working on it. You keep doing what you do so well. Thanks for reading.
Thank you.
Thank you for reading Judi!
I feel your pain. I struggle with the same problem. So many times God has given me opportunity to reach out to others and I mess it up by saying nothing. And then the moment is gone.
I loved Craig Gross’ story about Marie. It was very inspiring, and I pray that someday I can have the courage to just reach out and be a “good neighbor” like Craig was to Marie.
So lets promise to start a conversation with someone in a public place this week. Thanks for reading Glenna.
Okay! Promise I will do it this week.
Great post, Karl. But don’t be so hard on yourself. God gives us all different gifts. I might have struck up an easy conversation with Starbucks man, but how many times have I wished that I had a gift like your voice – a voice that moves and uplifts hundreds of people every weekend? You reach more of your “neighbors” than you give yourself credit for – you just sing the words instead of speak them when you do.
I appreciate the kind words but this fear thing doesn’t set well with me as a follower of Jesus. I’m gonna continue to enjoy the world that God gave me in music. I just want to be able to grow in this area. Thanks for reading Debbie.
OK, great. I am a firm believer in goal setting and accountability. Maybe set a goal that twice a week (minimum), you will strike up a conversation with a total stranger. Doesn’t have to be about Jesus unless the opportunity presents itself. Just “baby steps”. Be accountable somewhere- to a journal, or your wife/friend/etc. It will get a little easier every time! And maybe update us here at some point…we’ll be rooting for you!
From John Eldredge’s book ‘Waking the Dead’ pg. 106 “And now that the Enemy knows you are trying to walk with God and tune in to your heart, he’ll play the ventriloquist and try to deceive you there. Any “word” or suggestion that brings discouragement, condemnation, accusation-that is not from God. Neither is confusion, nor any counsel that would lead you to disobey what you do know. Reject it all, and carry on in your journey. Yes, of course, God needs to convict us of sin, warn us of wrong movements in the soul-but the voice of God is never condemning (Rom. 8:1), never harsh or accusing. His conviction brings a desire for repentance; Satan’s accusation kills our hearts (2 Cor. 7:10).”
Take Heart!!
Thanks so much Barb. I don’t mean to give in to a spirit of timidity, just wanting to grow in this area. So crazy, at another Starbucks this morning the same guy was there doing the same thing. Maybe God is using him to help me. His name is Stan. Stan the “good neighbor”. Thanks for reading.
To Karl, the “good neighbor”,
It seems that God is truly using him to help you….Yea!!
Your transparency is refreshing! In the words of Lucado, Jesus loves us just the way we are, but He wants us to become more like Him. It is a journey to embrace as we go through the “becoming.”
Yeah, for sure. Gotta be more like Jesus. Thanks for reading.
Wow! That is my life too. Never make eye contact, always wanting to just keep to myself and not engage with others. I too have prayed that prayer to have God give me the courage to just go up and speak to others. It is stIll my prayer.
Tony, I think its just a matter of not over thinking it. Sometimes I play the whole thing out in my mind and then do nothing. Practice, we gotta practice. Thanks for reading.
Sounds like a lot of us share your same struggle Karl. It’s one of the things I hate about myself. I love people. I love friends. I love relationships. But I’m introverted by nature, so reaching out and getting to know people is next to impossible for me, so my friendships and support system is small and limited.
It’s something I keep in mind, and am trying to improve. I just stink at small talk.
I feel your pain Mike. Put me with close friends and I act just like I act on stage. Put with anyone else and its hard work to just talk. Thanks for reading. Don’t give up!